The expedient solution
by taralynden
Summary: The Great War ends not with a whimper but a bang ing


'Verse: G1, definitely no relationship to anything else I've written!

Warning: total crack!fic

Summary: The Great War ends not with a whimper but a bang(ing)

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, I just play with them :)

* * *

For a moment the six mechs stood in silence, staring at each other. Two leaders flanked by their most senior officers: Optimus on one side with a serene Prowl and a focused Jazz a half pace behind; Megatron on the other with a belligerent Starscream on his right and a stoic Soundwave on his left.

"Well, Prime?" Megatron demanded finally. "Your time is running short. The traditional ceasefire only lasts for three breems and two have already passed."

"We'd be happy to accept your surrender at any time, though we'd prefer to take the Matrix from your cold grey frame." Starscream snarked.

"We're ready for ya any time ya wanna try it." Jazz shot back readily.

The Seeker took half a step forward, ready to meet the challenge, but then snorted.

"Trying to get me to break the ceasefire peace and win a truce on a technicality?" he huffed. "No chance. Come on, lets go - this is a waste of time."

He turned away, priming his jets, and Megatron also started to move, which was when Optimus finally spoke up and froze them in place with his words.

"I am invoking the Law of Expediency."

There was a pause as everyone present absorbed that statement.

"What?" Megatron asked finally, turning back.

"It's a failsafe built in to our base programming..." Optimus began.

"I know what it is." Megatron snapped. "But you can't."

"Actually, only a Prime can." Prowl put in.

Optimus glanced at his second, mildly surprised he had not dropped into a freeze at the radical and unexpected announcement, then continued.

"I am doing you the courtesy of informing you first so you can prepare, just as we will be preparing, but regardless of how you act I _will_ be doing this. Our race's numbers have dwindled too low for any other course of action."

"So the great war ends in an orgy?" Starscream muttered, pouting.

"There is no longer any benefit in winning." Optimus pointed out. "If either of our factions are destroyed, we will be too low in numbers to safely recover. We're almost there already even with the contribution of everyone surviving. While Vector Sigma was still functioning there was a chance, but now that the last key has been lost we have no choice. You may, of course, choose to flee to avoid involvement, but you should be aware that the effects are widespread and I cannot assure you of the range."

"I could just kill you now." Megatron considered. "That would avoid it."

"And doom the survivors to extinction." Optimus pointed out. "We have no choice."

There was another brief silence, then Megatron scowled.

"Oh very well. But we're all moving to Metroplex - if the war's over then I'm not living in that underwater prison one breem longer! And _you_ get to tell Shockwave."

* * *

At two-fifteen that afternoon Carly found herself in a stranger situation than she could ever have imagined, and after several years of knowing the Autobots her imagination was quite expansive.

An hour earlier Bumblebee had brought them to Autobot City insisting that there was something really important going on but that he could not tell them himself what it was. Arriving they had been shocked to find the city filled with Decepticons, yet none of them were fighting. In fact, it seemed they were moving in. Bumblebee had dropped them in the courtyard outside the communications tower and rushed off to do something else, leaving them with Prowl and Soundwave, a combination that was more than a little unsettling. Yet the giant blue Decepticon had stayed still and silent while Prowl began the explanation that now had her wondering if she was hallucinating. The great Cybertronian war was over, the Decepticons were moving in, and there were going to be lots and lots of babies?

"The Law of Expediency is included in the base programming of every mech." Prowl continued the speech he had been giving since they arrived. "It is intended to ensure that our race does not become extinct. Once invoked it triggers a set of protocols which place proliferation ahead of all other priorities. Regardless of past grievances, we will all work together to create, nurture and protect a new generation of Cybertronians. As the number of adults grows the programming will begin to give way, and eventually will lapse back into dormancy, but the one time this was invoked in the past that took over a millennium to achieve."

"A thousand years!" Chip gaped.

Prowl looked at him solemnly.

"No, a thousand vorns. Close to one hundred thousand of your years, in fact. It is a significant portion of time even for us. Sufficiently lengthy that it is highly unlikely the present conflict will resume even when it is once again possible for it to do so."

"But... wait... I thought your babies came from Vector Sigma." Spike argued.

"Under normal circumstances, yes." Prowl responded serenely. "However under the Law of Expediency other rules apply. I'm aware that you have found it confusing that we have multiple methods of interfacing for pleasure, and you have asked before why we have valves and spikes when we prefer spark contact. The answer is that they are there for this purpose. While the newspark is formed through spark contact it cannot be maintained that way. Instead, it is protected in a sealed fluid chamber where the protoform begins to develop. That chamber is filled with transfluid supplied by the sparker and must be replenished frequently during the development phase, hence the need for valve-spike interfacing. Further direct spark contact at that point would only risk destabilising the newspark or harming the host."

"So..." Carly said slowly. "You're going to be, uh, 'supplying fluid' to someone carrying your baby?"

"Not quite. I will be acting as a carrier myself, so I will be reliant on another."

The boys looked faint but she was intrigued.

"Who?" she demanded, hopeful. "Optimus Prime?"

"Optimus will be acting as sparker for many as is the appropriate role for the Matrix bearer." Prowl agreed calmly. "But no. Jazz will be my co-creator."

"Jazz, mine also." Soundwave spoke up.

The humans gaped at him.

"Say _what_?" Carly choked.

"With limited numbers it is important that as many as possible take on the role of carrier, thus those in the role of sparker will be required to have multiple partners." Prowl explained. "In a few centuries, as the urgency passes, some of the carriers may choose to shift to the role of sparker and thus form more exclusive relationships, but in the initial stages the primary factor is ensuring a high number of progeny. And since it is not possible to undertake both roles simultaneously one must make a choice."

Well, she decided philosophically, in a way nothing had changed. Life around the Autobots could, and did, always get crazier.

"Cool." she shrugged. "So. When do you start?"

* * *

"So how'd it go?" Jazz asked, lying down next to Prowl and pleased when Soundwave settled at his back.

"Better than expected." Prowl mused. "Spike and Chip seemed somewhat distressed but Carly was quite accepting. How did Optimus and Megatron manage with Raoul and Astoria?"

Jazz snorted.

"Not so well. Good thing he left the politicians t'me an' Screamer. So didja tell'em about the three of us?"

"Indeed." Soundwave assured him, intertwining their fingers and squeezing lightly, tickling Jazz's palm with his fingertips.

"An' they didn't ask about it?"

"Not really." Prowl said vaguely.

"Prowl lied." Soundwave chuckled.

"You did what, now?"

Prowl looked flustered and ducked his head.

"It wasn't entirely a lie. There always are more carriers than sparkers during a time of expediency, meaning that sparkers must perforce have multiple partners. I simply did not mention that you and Soundwave had been together prior to the war."

"And during, when Jazz infiltrated Nemesis." Soundwave added in firm reminder.

Jazz patted Soundwave's hip to hush him and leaned over to kiss his newer lover, aware that Prowl had always struggled with the idea of his polyamory.

"You two're gettin' on okay, though, right?"

"Soundwave, confident in relationship with Jazz, not jealous of Prowl. Looking forward to intellectual exchanges."

There was a pause before Prowl responded.

"You will no doubt accustom me to this as you have to so many other things that I once thought beyond me." he sighed heavily, sounding resigned, then his head tilted and Jazz saw a shy smile. "And I confess I look forward to it."

Jazz grinned.

"Wanna get started, then?"

Confusion flickered over Prowl's face.

"Aren't we supposed to wait for the invocation?"

"Prowl can wait if he chooses." Soundwave declared, his hands already wandering. "Soundwave, waited long enough."

* * *

"Got a minute, boss?"

The question was soft so as not to wake those charging, and Optimus carefully extricated himself to join Jazz in the hall, quietly closing the door.

"Goin' well, then?" Jazz smiled at him.

"Very well." Optimus agreed, deeply content.

All four of his mates were now carrying, the war was over and the Matrix was at peace. All in all the future was looking very bright.

"How are Prowl and Soundwave?"

"Happy." Jazz said firmly. "Sounders is gonna have multiples, but I kinda expected that given his cassettes. Wasn't expectin' Prowl to, though!"

"Prowl is competitive." Optimus observed.

Jazz snorted.

"Is he ever. Anyway, I can't stop long - just wanted to check, has anyone else figured it out yet?"

Typical Jazz, to have guessed.

"That I never actually invoked the Law? No. At least, you are the only one to have raised it."

Jazz chuckled.

"Sneaky mech. One question then: why didn't ya?"

Optimus considered for a moment, then decided it could do no harm to tell the truth to this mech, and in fact he was itching to share this secret with someone.

"Because no such programming exists."

His former third in command stared at him blankly.

"Whaddaya mean?"

"When Straxus Prime won the war against the Five Faced enemy he was left with a decimated and demoralised population. Many of them did not know one another and did not trust one another. To build relationships as well as populus numbers, he invented the concept of the Law of Expediency. He was so successful that even now it is believed to to have overriding power. Each new Prime is told of it in secret when given the Matrix so that they may choose to use it appropriately if needed."

He watched Jazz take that in. Jazz was clever, and accustomed to secrets, but this was an unexpected one. How would he take it?

"Okay." the black and white mech said slowly. "But then why didn't you use it earlier?"

"Two reasons. Firstly, the situation was not yet extreme enough to warrant it."

Jazz's expression went flat.

"Boss, we're down t'less'n point zero zero one percent of our pre-war population. Doncha think we coulda stopped jus' a _little_ earlier?"

"Perhaps, but for the second reason."

"Which is?"

Optimus winced.

"I... uh... forgot about it until Alpha Trion reminded me before he turned himself into the last key for Vector Sigma. But all's well that ends well, and that's all that matters, right?"

* * *

The end.


End file.
